January 8, 2013

Ladies... this is for you

     All right ladies I don't know how we missed making sure everyone got this lesson growing up but I am on a mission to rectify it.
     I am one of those people who have a bladder smaller than a walnut so unfortunately I am a regular user of public restrooms.  What I have seen would scare even Chuck Norris.  There is absolutely no reason whatsoever for this so here are basic instructions:

  1.   If you sprinkle while you tinkle be a sweetie and wipe the seat please!!  I get it you don't want to sit on a public toilet seat so you do the hovering dance.  But ladies just as you don't want to sit down on a possibly dirty toilet neither does the person after you.  I'm one of those  who use 3 paper shields when available and when they're not I've been heard unrolling almost half a roll wrapping the seat.  It is really nasty when you do that and discover that the seat was wet from the person before you.
  2. Flush twice if necessary.  It actually amazes me that someone can walk out of a stall knowing the bowl isn't empty.  DO NOT leave the stall until the flush is complete.  Should the unfortunate happen and the toilet doesn't flush properly put your pride in your pocket and tell the nearest store personnel.  We've all been in stores or restaurants where not one, two but three stalls aren't being used because the commode needs to be flushed. The automatic toilets don't always work but they all have little buttons we can push.  FYI whenever possible if I have to manually flush I use my foot. 
  3.      The little silver boxes in most stalls are there for a very specific reason.  We all understand that getting caught out and about while "Aunt Dot" or  "Your Friend" is visiting is no fun.  PLEASE do not try to flush items that are not meant to be flushed.  If there are bags in that small box use them to wrap up your waste, if not feel free to use copious amounts of paper.  Without fail I guarantee you a Mom dragging her little boy is the one that is going to stumble onto your left behind mess.
  4.      While every facility has someone responsible for the upkeep and overall cleanliness of the bathroom they should not have to clean-up messes made due to your inability to get paper towels in the garbage.  I am one of those people who will not touch the handle on the bathroom door without the aid of a paper towel.  While many places have realized there are hundreds of people like me and moved a trash can close for that reason not all have caught on.  SO instead of trying to throw a paper towel across a bathroom while holding the door open with my foot I will carry it out with me and throw it away when I can.  I won't drop it on the floor haphazardly. Don't want to carry a dirty towel out with you? Then use your shirt or jacket to open up the door.
  5.      Do you flood your bathroom every time you wash your hands?  No, well neither do I.  So explain to me why more often then not there seems to be a large puddle on the counter.  I am not asking you to clean the counter but if you for some reason I don't understand make a mess please clean it up.  It is not as if they charge you for the paper towels.  It never fails I always wind up putting my purse down on the counter when there is a small pond on top.
  6.      This is a safety issue that I can't believe I need to address in today's world.  WHY would you ever allow a child who can barely open the door to the restroom to go in alone?  I don't care if you are sending them into the Ladies' Room or Men's Room get off your butt and go in with them. 
  7.      Just like Vegas what happens in the loo should stay in the loo.  So please don't use your cell phone.  The sights and sounds really aren't meant to be shared.  If the phone rings don't answer it.  I know this may be hard to believe or even remember for some of us, but there was a time when the phone wouldn't even reach the bathroom and you know what... mankind evolved just fine not answering every single call.
     Here's the really embarrassing thing I've noticed ~ this seems to be one of those rude American things.  I never ran across this while in England or France; nor do I remember seeing this when in South America.  I don't care if you are using the restroom at Joe's Garage or at the White House treat them all as if you were at your Grandma's house.  
     So thank you for taking the time to refresh any missed lessons, though chances are like usual I am preaching to the choir. 

 ~Last minute thought~~~ maybe we should reprint these rules and hang them up whenever we see a restroom that has been abused.    


  1. Sorry Lady Bren, but the title made it impossible to stay away. It was like being told not to think of purple elephants.

  2. Dean I totally understand where you're coming from. I have no clue what the situation is on the male side of things so had to keep the comments to my experience :)

  3. I agree with EVERYTHING you have written regarding the women's public restrooms. Some are absolutely disgusting, its hard to believe that grown women are that filthy or lazy or whatever it is. For many years my daughter refused to use a public restroom and when she did I basically had to disinfect it or search until I found one acceptable.
    Jae Mac, I'm Just Sayin'...(Damn!)


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