You're over 21, that's nice. Where are your parents? #parenting

Aren't you legally responsible for yourself once you're 21?   When did the rules change and why wasn't I informed?

Two Down One to Go

    On Friday June 1st, we did it.  We graduated our son from High School.  That's right I'm using the pronoun WE because getting a child through 13 years of school is a family affair. We have successfully graduated two of our three children so far.  

     Whether your child is Valedictorian, an average student or one that barely gets by graduating from high school is a team win.  The amount of intervention changes year to year, class to class and student to student but in no way do they get to graduation on their own.  However it seems that graduation is no longer the priority in America that it used to be.  Combine that with the way today's economy stands, graduating high school has truly become a smaller stepping stone to one's success than it used to be.    

     According to America's Promise a student drops out of high school every 26 seconds.  Established in 2010 America's Promise created the campaign Grad Nation.  The two goals of this campaign is for America to achieve a 90% graduation rate nationwide by 2020, with no high school graduating less than 80% of its students and to regain America's standing as first in the world in college completion.  Currently as a nation only 75% of our students will graduate from high school.  One third of the students graduating will require some type of remedial courses when they start college.  The number of college graduates also continues to decline.  According to research done by Georgetown University more than half of the new jobs created in the next few years will require a post-secondary degree.  I read an interesting fact in a Washington Post article .  On average, high school graduates earn $130,000 more over their lifetimes, compared with peers who drop out of school. Transforming just one student from dropout to graduate would yield more than $200,000 in higher tax revenue and savings for the government over the course of that person’s life

There are initiatives across the country to help curb this crisis in graduation.  Using this map created by EducationWeek.org you can see a graduation report for your school district.  The report will include information on the number of students, schools, graduation rates and other facts.  Florida is one of 29 states that currently allow students to leave school before the age of 18.  Once a student reaches the age of 16 they can file with the school board their intent to leave the school system, parental/guardian notification is required.  I found it interesting that one of the requirements upon making this decision is for both student and parent/guardian to sign a declaration acknowledging that by leaving school the student's earning potential will likely be reduced.  Recently my son had a status on FB that truly upset a few people.  He didn't understand how someone could drop out of school being with only a few weeks to go.  He was called ignorant and closed minded, which I'll be honest totally floored me.  How can we get children, yes until you are 18 you are a child in my book, to understand the decisions they make today affect their future in untold ways.  I've heard kids say that school isn't for them, the teachers don't get me, they hate the whole culture and a number of other reasons for leaving.  In the state of Florida any resident can go online and take every required course for graduation FOR FREE.  That's right Florida has a virtual school which is offered at no charge to its residents.  Many home-schoolers use this program.

     So once again I am proud to announce that WE graduated our son from high school.  Two down and one to go.... thankfully the odds are in our favor

They Ruined the Awards Ceremony

    With the end of school upon of our schedules start to fill up with concerts, play-offs and ceremonies.  Here in our school district end of year award ceremonies are a big thing.  That is until the parents ruined it.
     In elementary school we would have award ceremonies after the end of every quarter.  Included in the report cards would be an invitation announcing that your child would be receiving an award and you were encouraged to attend.  The Kindergarten and First Grade teachers were very generous and made sure that at some point during the year each child received an award.  When Second Grade arrived additional awards started being handed out based on grades.
      I really didn't notice anything the first year and was the proud mom running up to take pictures when my daughter's name was called.  Then it happened.  In third grade she received an award entitled "Most Improved".  What seemed like a move from synchronized swimming, a group of Moms turned towards me with their "Aw glad she's doing better but not as good as my child" smile.  You know the one, where they're smiling but their heads crooked to the side.  I truly didn't know how to react.  Then as the program continued her name was called along with others for Honor Roll.  This time I was given a thumbs up from a couple of the moms. A few of them even commented to my daughter how proud they were of her hard work.  Here's the reality:  The teacher had given her the "Most Improved" award for her neatness in cursive, and unlike what those Moms thought had nothing to do with grades.
    Our children along with 800 others were sent to a brand new school the following year.  With a new school comes new traditions and it seems some of the parents had a few they wanted to start.  The first year was pretty mild however I noticed that instead of just a parent showing up for these awards entire families were now attending. Siblings were being pulled out of their classes to see their brother or sister receive their award.  Now I am all for celebrating a child's achievement.  In fact my kids know that great report cards equal a family night out.  My husband has never taken off work to watch any of our kids receive a quarterly award.  We were in the minority.  It got to where there were cheering sections when a child's name was called.  Now if you haven't been to one of these ceremonies very often multiple children receive the same award and the list of names are read off with each child walking to the stage.  So while Johnny's family is woo-hooing his perfect attendance Sue's family can barely hear their child's name being called.
     At the start of the second year it was announced that siblings could no longer be pulled from classes. The awards ceremonies were also switched from the end of the day to the middle of the morning which greatly reduced the number of attendees.  It was also announced at the beginning of the ceremony that ALL APPLAUSE would be held until the end of each award.  Of course it took a few stern looks from the principal to enforce this rule but it worked.  I guess a couple families felt that this was not the right way to celebrate their students as the next ceremony would prove.
     I thought I had missed a party or something when I arrived at the next award ceremony.  There were a couple of moms sitting together who had balloons under their chairs.  Was a teacher engaged?  Was someone retiring?  Being a pretty active volunteer at school I was usually on top of those things so I was truly perplexed.  Imagine my surprise when these Moms walked to the stage and presented their child a balloon when they received an award!  These were the kids who were always on Honor Roll, receiving perfect attendance and such.  It wasn't as if they were being nominated for a Junior Version of the Nobel Peace Prize.  Not only did it interrupt the ceremony but you know it made the other kids on stage at the same time feel bad. Of course my daughter was after one of these balloon kids.  Due to the amount of time it took for the Mom to hand her daughter the balloon I was unable to get a picture of my child getting her award.
     The craziness grew from there.  From balloons it went to flowers for the girls, candy grams for the guys.  Then one Mom finally pushed it too far.  I don't know why she did it, all I can imagine is that the balloons, flowers and candy were no longer enough.  When her daughter was called for her Honor Roll Award this Mom walked up to the stage and presented her child with a teddy bear.  To be sure you have the right image think huge carnival size, the one guys win to impress their girls.  The teacher presenting the award even stopped to comment on sweet that was. SWEET~ are you kidding me??? And yes once again my daughter's name was called after Bear Girl, the teacher truly barely acknowledged her she was so taken by this bear.  That was the last Award Ceremony the principal allowed at that school.

  Tomorrow night will be the last Award Ceremony for my son.  It is Senior Award Night and just like in elementary they all want to hear their name called.  I just hope that there won't be any balloons, flowers or bears

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How Cheap Can You Be?

         Now I will openly admit to not being the most frugal person on the earth.  At the same time I can be pretty tight with my money.  However there are times when no matter how cheap I may be, even I would break down and pay for a babysitter.  So can someone please tell me when the tides turned and it became acceptable to bring babies to the movies????

          Once again I have sat in a major block buster movie and have had to endure the cries of a baby.  Now if I was watching the latest Disney or DreamWorks hit (and we all know I do go to them) not only do I expect to hear noisy kids I feel cheated if I don’t hear them laughing and reacting throughout the movie.  In fact one of my favorite movie experiences was during Disney’s  Brother Bear; having seen the commercial a million times all the kids in the audience chimed in when the bear said his name (this is the scene in different languages LOL)

     So today we went to see Harry Potter.  This is a two and a half hour movie and is rated pg-13.  At our theatre you can see any movie Mon – Thurs before 6 pm for $5.oo ~what a bargain!.  The movie was getting ready to start, all the previews are done and in walks a couple carrying an infant.  No stroller no car seat just them and their baby. I don’t care how well you plan nap time, we all know that baby is going to wake up during the movie and make his presence known.  And of course it will be during a subdued emotional moment.  Well our baby today did this not one but three times.  So in the safety of darkness, and really tall stadium seating, I called out~~ Get a babysitter!! What!?! I’m never going to see these people again, and they don’t know who said it.

     But come on, think about it.  You’d need a babysitter for what 3 maybe 3.5 hours.  Most teens would be happy with $20- $25 for that.  If you give up the movie popcorn and drink combo and that’s almost their entire fee right there. You only paid $10 for the movies.  Can't afford a babysitter? Then take turns and go with friends...... see simple solutions.

    I just don’t understand the whole thought process.  Yes it’s Harry Potter.  Sure you want to see it the first week.  But why do you feel that somehow your personal needs  wants are so important that who cares if your child ruins the movie for others.  UGGHH

      We were in Orlando when Avatar came out and the kids had to see it in 3D.  I think Michael almost died when we shelled out $75 for our 5 tickets.  Well just before the movie starts in walks a man with 2 children and a third in a stroller.  That’s right a stroller.  Now I’ll give him credit he sat down “out of the way” but REALLY??  Avatar, a three hour movie, a PG-13 close to R rated movie, is not the place for little kids. While he did his best to soothe them, walking a stroller back and forth during a movie….not cool. I did complain to the management and we were issued free passes for another movie; which made Michael happy as he felt that he had paid $75 for 2 movies.

     And while I'm on the subject if the movie is rated pg-13 or R why do you even have young elementary aged kids in there???  It blows my mind that parents then get upset that their precious kiddies just heard a few F bombs or saw nudity.  You may have grown up watching Land of the Lost but I’m guessing the movie version really isn’t what you remembered from Saturday mornings~ Nor is it something your 8 year old needs to see.  People do your homework and find out why a movie has a PG-13 rating!

          So here’s my royal world view on movies…..

IF you can’t afford a babysitter and the movie isn’t rated G…..STAY HOME with your baby!!!!!  We’ve all been there.  Sacrifices are simply part of parenting.  Let’s be honest, it isn’t rainbows and unicorns all the time. Just be thankful most movies come out on DVD a few months after they’ve hit the theatres so you won’t have to wait long. Plus microwave popcorn is sooo much better.

Not all flowers and kisses

     I debated whether or not to write this blog.  How would it be received? Does it sound like a pity party?  Are there maybe others out there with similar situations that this might help?
     Simply put Mother's Day is two sided.  It is a day when we celebrate the woman who was a mother to us and if you're blessed you are being celebrated by those you are a mother to.   What side do you fall on?  What side is more important? 
     The baby boomer generation, of which I am ever so slightly too young to be a part of, was the first generation to have an ideal of motherhood for all to see.  Prior to everyone having a television in their homes our ideas of mothers beyond our personal experience were in literature and the bible.  Both of those sources allowed us to form mental pictures which could lead to millions of different "mothers".  With the introduction of television we now all had the same visions.  In the 50's we had June Cleaver, Harriet Nelson and others not only looking perfect but extending that to every area of their family.  The 60's we started to see Moms with career aspirations on TV falling in step with the equal rights movement the country was going through.  During that time we even started to see families without a father figure.  The 70's brought is a whole new onslaught of what motherhood looked like.  We saw divorced moms(Ann Romano), remarried moms (Carol Brady) and moms working hard just to keep their families together (Shirley Partridge).  The 80's were when we finally started to see strong successful moms(Claire Huxtable).  Their careers were in the focus and the families rallied around. 
     There were no TV shows were the families were miserable.  No one wants to watch a show were the Moms are abusive or negligent.  What company wants to sponsor a show where the Mom is screaming at the kids every week?    When we do see mothers portrayed like that in movies there always seems to be an aunt or teacher or simply a neighbor that comes in and rescues the children from that horrible situation.  Guess what?  That is the reality for many kids and they don't all have a rescuer. 
     I am one of those who fall into that category.  However I have learned to survive.  After many many times of hoping for a healthy relationship I realized things aren't going to change.  I believe the saying is: Insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results.  There comes a time as an adult when you have to say enough is enough. You have to be strong enough to say I can no longer continue this unhealthy relationship. I will not allow it to effect me or my children anymore.  I remember the pain in my heart as I came to that realization,  the day when I said enough is enough. Knowing I would have trouble with the conversation that needed to take place I wrote a letter.  A very long letter.  I had others read it to be sure not one word or even comma could be misconstrued.  It took me over a month to write that letter.  That was 11 years ago.  Unfortunately that letter came with collateral damage as my Dad was still alive and she forbade him contact with me.  Over 2 years later at my Dad's wake a neighbor pulled me aside and shared this~ Your father showed me the letter you sent to your Mother and he was never prouder of you.  He so wanted to move near you had he had the nerve.  I had an "Aunt" who was my Dad's childhood friend say almost the same thing. The release and blessing those two women bestowed on my was immense.  The reality is we have had absolutely no contact whatsoever with my mother for over 8 years and I do not feel any sense of loss.  I sincerely hope she is happy and healthy.

     I've been a little ashamed these last few days.  I'm watching everyone change their FB profile pic to their moms.  I wonder if they're thinking why haven't I done that~ as if anyone really gives a hoot but you know we all have those moments.
     I am living on the other side of Motherhood.  I chose to give up a career and stay home for my kids.  It hasn't always been easy or very pretty for that matter.  I knew I had to be better than what was modeled for me.  I hope and pray my girls are better Moms than I am.  I am a very firm believer that Children Learn What They Live.  My orthodontist had that poster in his office ~amazing I can remember that but not what I had or even did I have lunch yesterday.

     Am I a perfect Mom.... OMG NO!

But guess what.... they don't exist!!

For fun here's a quiz on TV Moms