Apologize for returning with a rant

Lots to catch up on but have a rant that's truly driving me a bit nuts and isn't that the point of having a blog but to share my opinions.  With everything going on in Texas why am I so amazed that there are people looking to use this to promote hate!?!  And before you argue it isn't hate here's a simple guide rule: is it helpful or hurtful!

Rant: They're Leaving Facebook

Facebook used to be a place where your feed was filled with cute animal videos, amazing recipes, annoying game requests and the selfie hall of fame.  We were able to connect with long lost friends, school alumni and Great Aunt Sue.  In the past few weeks I've received notices that at least 8 people are closing their Facebook accounts, and not just for Lent.

Rant: What I Do Not Post on FaceBook

I've been holding this post, or at the least the concept of writing this post, back for a while.  It is a rant, which I know you love.  But it is one of those rants that will certainly have you falling into one of two distinct categories. You will either strongly agree with me (as well you should)  or think I am not only wrong but mean, cruel, stupid and judgemental.  Here's hoping you're in the first category.

Hi My Name is Lady Bren....

     So I have this problem.  It is fairly new yet I'm concerned it could become quite serious.  Thing is upon doing research I learned I am most certainly not alone.  In fact there are different names for different aspects of this problem. So my friends I stand before you and admit.... I am becoming addicted to online gaming, specifically Facebook's Monopoly Millionaires. 

     Here's the thing I planned on writing this as a witty, entertaining story, don't worry this is not going to be a bummer so don't tune out!  What I was surprised to learn is the reality of this problem is truly quite serious.  I have heard about the problems associated with online gambling but gaming!   Take this test to see if your gaming is a problem  Most people who are struggling with gaming problems are playing massively multi-player online role playing games (MMORPGs) and/or multi-user domain games (MUDs), think World of War Craft and Halo.  Therapists are seeing addiction to gaming and facebook beginning to transition from social networking to social dysfunction. People are actually losing their jobs over an addiction to online gaming.  **Below you'll find info on how the USA and China are handing this problem.

     What I imagine is a room full of people implementing something similar to a  12 step program to help them get over their gaming issues.  As we go around the room people share their addiction.  Hi I'm Joe also known as GreyMouse224 in Halo.  Hi I'm Suzy also know as Powershopper14 on World of WarCraft,  Hi I'm LadyBren on Monopoly. All races, ages, and financial groups are represented.

 STOP 

 Once again I thought I was being creative and entertaining and what did I find: OLGA. On Line Gamers Anonymous complete with sponsors and 12 steps.  It is so anonymous that people create user ids when they log on.  Even AA doesn't offer that!!

     I love to play games.  Weird thing is I didn't even know facebook had games until 2 months ago! I grew up playing games with my Dad and sister.  We had shelves of games in our basement that didn't collect dust.  I brought my kids up playing games.  In addition to Monopoly, Clue and now Risk are my favorites.  When I recently redesigned our hall closet (taking away most of it to make a linen closet in the bathroom) I made sure the remaining shelves were wide enough to hold our games.  I'll also openly admit I LOVE to win.  My Dad didn't believe in letting us win a game and we always played by the enclosed rules.  Money for Free Parking???? I don't think so.  How many cards do you pick in Uno~ however many the player handbook says.  My kids have grown up the same way.  WE always keep our rules and if they win they know it was fair and square.  BTW they always beat me in those concentration games, even the Fisher Price Barnyard Game and that was before my stroke!
      I don't think I am a very competitive person until you put a game board in front of me.... I HAVE to win.  I love playing games but know I do everything in my power to win (outside of cheating b/c that's just no fun).   So when I found Monopoly on Facebook, no one was surprised that I fell in love with it.   For some reason my kids won't accept my requests and play, I wonder why?  I was very happy and  having fun building my houses and collecting rent,  Then I realized I can get ranked with other players.  AND I get prizes for advancing to different financial levels.  It only got better when they added leader boards....oh my heavens is my name on it this week!!
      The other day I learned there was a Monopoly Millionaires Community Forum page.  I can now without hesitation assure I DO NOT have a problem.  There are gamers on the forum who have created Monopoly spread sheets.  They keep track of who rolled on their board, and who sent a gift.  Another Millionaire (as we're called)  actually spent the time figuring out which housing deal makes better fiscal sense~ I thought I was a math geek.  Maybe I should post that quiz on the forum????

By the way: Friends are welcome to join me on Monopoly anytime...hint hint
     .

 ***Just in case you are interested here's what I learned during my research:

  In August 2005, the Chinese government, where more than 20 million people play online games, introduced an online gaming restriction limiting playing time to three hours, after which the player would be expelled from whichever game they were playing.  In 2006 they relaxed the rule so that it only effect players under the age of 18, however many of those kids found ways to beat the system(big surprise).  Then in July 2007 the rule changed with a twist.  After playing for 3 hours players under 18 (they are identified by their resident ID #) are prompted to stop and "do suitable physical exercise"  Should they keep playing their gaming experience is diminished. If they continue, their characters gain 50% of the usual experience. After five hours, their characters gain no experience at all. In 2010 Chinese parents were enabled with the power to limit their children's online gaming by directly communicating with game operators.  The Ministry of Culture has a department strictly for the purpose of monitoring online gaming and its effect on the population. One study showed that over 19% spend more than 20 hours a week just gaming.  Education has always been a priority within the Chinese culture and parents were afraid that their kids were gaming instead of studying.  Since this article was published in February 2010 I have not been able to find any updates on how this program has worked

   Here in the USA, Deborah T Tate, a FCC Commissioner stated in 2008 that online gaming addiction was "one of the top reasons for college drop-outs". However there were not statistics to back this up.  As of 2007 the AMA has not recognized excessive Video/Online Gaming as a formal psychiatric addiction wanting more research before it is declared as such.  The AMA has found that there are "concerns about untoward side effects (from video gaming), ranging from physical symptoms such as seizures and tendonitis, to socially maladaptive behaviors such as increased short-term aggressiveness and overuse syndromes" 

It was a blogged day :0)

      It is as if the universe was cheering my blogging the other day.  Okay probably not but what a great thing if that happened don't ya think.  Thursday wound up being one of those days when I just look back and went Really; Are You Kidding Me; and Wow!
   Two of my recent blog topics were a part of my day. Maybe it isn't all that glorious but I did find it intriguing~ see for yourself.

  Wednesday night, as we all know, is trash day and woo hoo I found a treasure.  Cool thing is it wound up becoming a double purpose treasure find.  I have one of those bookcases you get at a box store.  It's great but needs more shelves.  I priced the shelves out and the 3 would cost me almost half as much as a new bookcase.  So driving home from church Wednesday night I see that someone has put a dresser to the side of the road.  And in my mind what do I see .... book shelves FOR FREE ( I keep hearing Adam Sandler when he says that in Bedtime Stories).  So I pull out the drawers, tear off the backing and with the help of some passing kids load this stripped down dresser into my van.  I didn't call ahead this time to warn Michael.  When I pulled up he just said ..... you're late what is in the back!!  Well not only did I get the 3 shelves I wanted for my bookcase there was enough mdf left over to build an additional and much moaned about shelf for the cabinets out in the garage!! WOO HOO.... see pictures below

     The other day I blogged about Friends and how Facebook is affecting that sphere of relationships.   While talking about the week with my Stress Therapist I brought up my Friends/FB blog.  Well it seems I am very timely in this matter as she just read an article in one of her journals about how all of this social networking is having an incredibly negative effect on relationships.  I personally believe it is going to stunt the maturity of our kids as well.  We talked about handling all the "friends" on facebook and why we feel we have any obligation to people we don't really know.  She used a phrase I really related to..... digital suicide.  Now suicide is NOT something to jest or take lightly so please read that into my musings.  We've all seen the dramas where some poor creature is incredibly wrought with life and calls 95 different friends telling them good-bye before they swallow the bottle of pills...obviously needing the attention and ruckus it sends everyone into as well as knowing/hoping someone will stop them.  How many times have you seen a post on FB... I think I am leaving FB it is all becoming too stressful?  (This is termed digital suicide) Then you see all the replies: no please don't leave, you need this, we are here for you, and so on.  Heck I've responded that way.  What absolutely amazes me is that in just these last 6 months of 2011 I have had not one, not two, but five different FB friends post something like this.  AND more than one of them has posted their digital suicide more than once.  Now I get that there are times when we do need a break from FB but guess what You don't need to announce it.  It's a bit of crying wolf.  What is going to happen when that person really is in crisis but we've all rallied 'round one too  many times?  Too many people are using FB as their therapy and how many of us really are little more than arm-chair therapists?  People posting recurring digital suicide truly need professional help and when we feed their needs we are simply becoming enablers. Well the rest of the session we worked on my recurring issues with apshasia, oh how frustrating that is.  The session ended with my therapist encouraging me to pursue writing more than just blogs (um..NO)
     Before getting ready to head out to the movies I got on-line.  Checking on my blog I saw that there was a comment attached to my latest posts.  It seems that someone whom I had unfriended read my blog and knew it was all about her.  How she really is my husband's friend and she would leave me alone.  You know what, I'm OK with that. I deleted her comment as I didn't think mentioning a mutual friend was appropriate or necessary.  While my family has grown accustomed to being mentioned in my blog I don't and won't mention other people by name unless it is with a sense of  fun.   .
   My day ended on a wonderful up note.  My friend Jane found out that Stephen Sondheim's CompanyOnScreen was playing here in town.  How many times have you watched the preview for an "EVENT" while sitting at the movies and think to yourself, I'd like to see that.  Well this time I finally got to attend an Event!!  It was absolutely wonderful.  Neil Patrick Harris is incredible as Robert. His supporting cast featured  Martha Plimpton, John Cryer, Steven Colbert and the sensational Patti Lupone.  I am unashamed to say that I applauded as if I was sitting at a live performance :0)

                       Side by Side from CompanyOnScreen                                                                    Trailer for Company

The reality of it all

    I'll be honest I'm writing this blog with a bit of attitude.  I am just tired of accepting certain things as reality when well they're simply not.  However I also realize this perception of reality has been considerably altered by technology.
     Quick think back to when you were growing up, who was your best friend.  Maybe there was a group of you, 3 or 4, that were inseparable.  Those were your best friends.  They were the ones who always knew what kind of candy you wanted for the movies.  They treated your siblings with the same love or disdain as you did.  They were probably pretty constant throughout the years.  You may have had a best friends necklace, the heart one that broke in two and boy was that special...However you weren't writing I Love You everywhere.  You probably didn't hug every time you left each other.  Nor were you declaring you were BFF's every chance you got.
     I don't understand today's generation's definition not only of Best Friend but simply of friend.  First the best friend issue.  How many do they need?  Do they really think someone out there is keeping score for the big trophy?  If they share more than 5 minutes of communal air they need to declare they are friends,  I blame facebook for a lot of it.  Then the BFF issue! If you are FB friends with a teenager look at their different lists.  They have best friends, bestest friends, people they can't live without. It is almost as if they are afraid that if the relationship doesn't have a classifier in front of it than it can't be real.  Drives me absolutely bananas.
     We spend a lot of time on "The Tube" last summer when we were in London.  One of the favorite stories from those rides is of two little girls.  Each was with their father and about 4 years old.  They were sitting across from each other in a fairly empty car when one of them shouts in her sweet little British voice ~ "Won't you be my friend?".  They went on to play Monster chase until one left, sharing a sweet little hug before leaving the car.  For the rest of the trip every now and then someone would repeat "Won't you be my friend".  The girls giggled and entertained those on the tube that morning and when they parted their friendship ended.  Their "friendship" was for the moment, it served a purpose and was done,  Why do we feel the need that once we share the slightest time with someone there's an obligation to maintain that connection?
    According to research the human brain can hold about 150 meaningful relationships in their head.  This number is actually called the Dunbar number.  NPR did a great story on Dunbar's Number last week.  Your family members are a part of the 150, so really not leaving alot of room when you add co-workers, neighbors and such.  Well thanks for FB we don't actually have to hold all those relationships in our head, they're stored right there on our profile for us.
   Now I'll admit I have more than 150 FB friends.  I have my real friends then I have a group of friends simply for playing Monopoly (yes I have a problem that will be another blog). I am very selective who I even play games with and those people are blocked from seeing anything on my wall that isn't related to the game.  Granted I had to learn how to really tweak my privacy features to do that but I've got it down. 
  So now that we're all reconnecting with EVERYONE from high school, regardless if we actually did more than sit behind them in science, we're also connecting with mutual friends, spouses of friends even friends of our spouses.  So here is where my questions begin:

• Where does the line get drawn?
• Which friends can you really be honest friends with ?
• Which people are willing to put up with your nonsense for a reasonable amount of time adn then call you on it? 
• Are you comfortable in calling people out on their stuff? 
• Should FB create an acquaintance only page?

      See here's my spin on it all.  I am glad, really glad, to friend someone.  I've even been introduced to others through facebook and a rare few have worked out great and I enjoy posting with them.  BUT I am tired of feeling obligated to tolerating someone's mess when the reality is we're not really friends in the first place.  If we met there's a strong change we wouldn't be friends. The kind solution is to simply "block all by ??" nope that's not me... I have NO problem hitting the unfriend button.  Goodness gracious the way people react when you unfriend them you'd think I ran over a basket of kittens simply because I don't want to be your cyber friend anymore!  99.99% of Cyber friendships do not = reality

     The pastor of our church believes in the number 5 when it comes to small groups.  Using your hand he explains you can only be responsible for 5 people at a time, yourself included.  Think of how you make a fist, your thumb/you protectively covers the other 4 fingers/friends.  What a tight and strong group that becomes.

    Won't you be my friend.... mmmm maybe not.

You hear this whenever the doors open

The lines are color coordinated so you don't get on the wrong train Yellow= Circle Line

Just chilling on the Underground