Not All Flowers and Kisses

     I originally posted this for Mother's Day 2 years ago. I felt an overhwhelming need to share it again. Not sure if it is me who needs to re-read it or maybe someone else needs to know they're not alone..I debated whether or not to write this blog.  How would it be received? Does it sound like a pity party?  Are there maybe others out there with similar situations that this might help?
     Simply put Mother's Day is two sided.  It is a day when we celebrate the woman who was a mother to us and if you're blessed you are being celebrated by those you are a mother to.   What side do you fall on?  What side is more important?

Now that they're gone.

                Isn't it curious how things seem to have a bit more importance once you no longer have them?   This reality hit me a bit harder than expected when we realized our wedding rings were missing.

                Thing is we don’t wear them very much.  In fact I can’t remember the last time I wore my ring. It has been so long I don’t even have an indentation on my left hand or a tan line as most wives do.  I stopped wearing my rings a couple years ago when I was in and out of the hospital.  I kept it in a Lenox Shell dish we received as an engagement gift almost 25 years ago which sat on my dresser along with other pieces of jewelry.  Michael isn’t able to wear his wedding ring at work for safety reasons.  His ring was stored quite uniquely on the arm of a witch.  That is it’s a piece from his Franklin Mint Wizard of Oz Collection that I bought as his wedding gift.

                Early December Michael was clearing the top of his dresser (his catch all) and noticed his ring wasn't where it was supposed to be.  I assured him it had to be there somewhere, maybe it fell behind the dresser or he put it somewhere else and just forgot.  He was upset about it while I wasn’t too worried saying I knew it would show up.  Then Sunday while reorganizing some drawers and my dresser top ~ which ok also is usually covered with papers and such~ I saw that my ring as well was gone.  When we were looking for Michael’s ring I thought I checked on my ring among the jewelry in my dish, now I'm not so sure.

     Here’s the thing.  We don’t have really anything of value in our house especially when it comes to jewelry.  I’ve often thought how Emily has a set of pearls and a platinum cross.  The only pearls I have are fresh water from when I was a bridesmaid that I have stored in the jeweler’s box in my dresser.  Michael has a nice watch that doesn’t work so that’s not out either.  Even the best electronics in the house belong to the kids.

        We have no real clue what happened to them.  We don’t believe we were robbed as nothing else is missing, but again there isn't much of anything to take even both of our TVs are over 10 years old. Then I was thinking with all of the gold signs everywhere how hard is it to sell some rings?  

      We can only come up with two possible scenarios.  Did something happen during our weekend trip to Mobile?  We had a neighbor’s son take care of the dogs while we were gone, maybe he didn't lock up one night? The other thought is maybe we left the garage door open one day without realizing it?  Who knows.

                We’d like to think our rings were special, though I’m sure every married couple does.  We designed our rings.  Mine was an inset with 4 begets and Michael’s held 5 small begets.   Both rings had five diamonds (counting my engagement ring) as we planned on having 5 children (oh dear heavens what were we thinking ~ ah the young and foolish). The plan with my ring was when the day comes to have it separated into three separate rings.  Each of the girls would have a part of the wedding ring and the engagement ring would pass onto Patrick.  My rings haven’t separated in over 20 years.  Spring 1991 I was recovering on the couch after an outpatient procedure and put my rings on the coffee table.  When I awoke they were nowhere to be found. Lying next to me the entire time was our dog Hobbes.  Three days later Michael finally found the rings outside in the yard with one of the begets missing.  Need I say more as to what happened! We took the rings to various jewelers and despite various attempts the rings couldn’t be separated without cutting them and I just didn’t want to do that.

                So I guess I am going to truly have to live up to my comments of not needing things to hold onto memories.  I’ll be honest I never thought I’d have to apply that to my wedding ring.

What do you keep?

      It is amazing the stuff we all keep don't you think?  Currently we are in the process of emptying our attic so we can lay down a floor.  We have been bringing down boxes that haven't been opened since they were stored up there when we bought the house in 1998.  There is going to be a huge "attic" sale at our house next Saturday.  But it did get me to thinking about what we have kept and why.

     A few years ago there was a series on one of the home improvement channels that tackled people's home that were overfilled with stuff.  I am not talking about hoarder, that's in a category all its own.  The show was called Clean Hose and Neicy Nash was the host.  There are a couple of shows like this at the time but this was my favorite.  The teams would go into the home and empty EVERYTHING out into the yard.  The family then had to divide their belongings into three piles: Keep, Sell, and Trash.  The moaning and groaning that went into that process was what made viewers watch week and after week.  The attachment the owners had to belongings was something to behold.  With the help of decorators/counselors eventually the patients’ guests’ would realize that their happiness wasn't tied to their belongings.  The more heart wrenching moments on the show occurred when the guests had to decide on things that belonged to family members since gone.  How many items did it take for them to hold onto their memories?

    We had to learn this lesson the hard way ourselves.  Back in 2002/2003 both Michael and I lost our Dads within 6 months of each other. We lived in Florida while both of our mothers still lived on Long Island.  As I have mentioned before we are the "black sheep" of the family.  This came into play as we left both funerals with nothing of our fathers to take home with us. I’llk be honest that was really hard to handle for a long time.  My Dad and I had collected Toby Jugs. We were most proud that we had found King Henry VIII and his Queens.  There were jugs from my kids as well.  While I know that these are things he would have wanted me and my family to have it just didn't happen.  (He foolishly died without a will).  Michael's Mom passed away a couple of years later, again no will.  She had lived with his sister for quite a while and it was up to her to decide how the "memories" would be divided.  When a box finally arrived for Michael inside was primarily ALL of the pictures we had ever sent of our kids, costume jewelry pieces (not the nice ones we had bought her over the years), and a few token items.  Like I said we had to learn the hard way that our memories aren't connected to things.  

     As we are emptying the attic we've come to realize that we have pretty much passed this concept onto our kids.  Emily was into American Girl so we have those dolls.  Patrick didn't have much up there; a box of his back braces and one giant floor turtle.  MaryEllen has most of her "keeps" in her closet. We don't have a lot of baby items anymore.  We do have a ton of books and puzzles~ have to keep something for those "someday grandbabies".  But really there isn't very much else that's new from our family up there. 

     So what in heavens was in those boxes we've been toting around?  Items that we thought were so important we had to keep so their memories would remain alive.  We found a box of winery glasses from our honeymoon, a thirty plus piece collection of Precious Moments figurines, as well as our high school long coats (which was a big thing in the 80's). There was a box of stuff from college which contained my wall calendars and school newspapers.  What's funny about that one is the box touched my heart more than its contents as it was addressed by my Dad and seeing his handwriting felt like a hug from the past. 

    Now the one item strictly off limits to this whole conversation is the box that holds my wedding gown.  While I don't believe either of my girls will ever wear it I do have plans for it.  The lace will be used to add layers to each baby's Christening gown.  The fabric will be used to make Bride's Bags.  That box will be moved with me forever. 

     As I look around my house I realize that we don't have many things the kids are going to be fighting over when the time comes to divide up the loot.  What I hope I have done is create memories that are more cherished than a piece of china.  I used to think how nice it would be to have a piece of furniture from generations passed to pass onto my kids.  Now I think that less is more and in the long run less to pass on will mean less hurt feelings and arguments when my estate (HAH) is eventually divided.