August 25, 2013

Royalty May Not Be Enough for My Delusions

Ask anyone that knows me, even slightly, I really hold dear to my self proclaimed delusion of Royalty.  I play in my own happy world and no one gets hurt.  Lately though there have been moments when I believe my delusions could be put to better use elsewhere.
Maybe this really isn't my fault.  You see we have been to the movies quite a bit this year, 30 times to date (see the list here).  So maybe all those alternate realities are just too tempting. Maybe my meds need adjusting, that is if I were prescribed any meds. Anyway today I introduce you to ....
    Federal Agent Lady Bren, maybe just Federal Agent Bren.   In my delusion meets reality scenario I along with Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy bust the Pirates at the Flea Market. (Think The Heat, because if I am going to do this then I am going to have fun)
     I understand that as long as we live in a digital world, piracy of both intellectual and artistic material is going to happen.  But people, the Pirates are doing it right out in the open for heaven's sake.  At a local Flea Market you can buy DVDs of movies playing in the theatre and they're crazy cheap~ 5 movies for $10.  These are not crappy copies made by some one sitting in the theatre with a hidden camera. Oh no these are high quality copies that have previews and even the FBI warning to boot.  AND it gets even better~ the DVD Pirates don't have just one booth hidden in the back that requires a password to get you into their secret den. OH NO!!  The DVD Pirates have a table set up down every lane of the market with computers and TVs playing their wares so you can see the quality of their illegal material.  This DRIVES ME ABSOLUTELY NUTS!! The fact that they are so brazen about breaking the law completely infuriates me. I actually walk closely behind their customers whispering "this is illegal"!! Maybe I do need a badge and gun just for protection, or I just need to buy my produce elsewhere.  
Anyway this is my plan:
I want to be the Federal Agent in charge of taking this crew of media miscreants down.  But this has to be quite the coordinated effort.  We'd need enough teams to cover every Pirate infested table down every lane.  If there aren't enough under cover agents in perfect synchronization it just won't work. It has to happen this way because you know once the crew in lane 1 get busted there's someone alerting all the other pirates out there.  As I see it playing out Sandy, Melissa and I are shopping for cheap produce while our teams are spreading through the Flea Market. Really, who would suspect us of being agents?  As we walk past one of the Pirate's tables we accept their invitation to peruse the large binder containing the ever growing booty of movies available for a meager $10. 
Then WHAM.
First we send out an electronic signal which disables both their cellphones and computers so not only can't they call the rest of their crew they can't crash their evidence  as well. This signal also alerts our other teams to attack their pirates.  Then we whip out our badges and shout "Federal Agents you're under arrest".  Of course some idiots are going to try and run which is when we start throwing our procured produce at them, particularly watermelon. Which if you saw The Heat just made you laugh!!! FYI~ The Heat is available LEGALLY on DVD October 15
So what do you think? Special Agent Lady Bren,  it does have a nice ring to it.
Until next time Luvs,
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