It Is My 4yr Strokeversary

Strokeversary; how do you like my made up word?  I wasn't really sure what else to call the anniversary of my stroke and since I am Royal making up words seems like something within my realm.

Take Howie Mandel's Fibs or Facts Quiz #stroke

     Howie Mandel is the National Stroke Association's spokesperson.  He's campaigning to educate people with a Fibs or Facts Quiz and help raise $25,000. (Don't worry it won't cost you a penny)

How Did I Become A Human Drama Magnet?

I understand people have bad days.  Why though does it seem they always seem to find me?  Or is it simply me?

Trying to Come Back

What a weird title for a blog post right? I do believe it correctly and fully describes where I am right now, not only with my blog but aspects of my life as well.

Bring It ~ I Dare You

    Stress is something I have been very concerned about since my stroke in February 2011.  The doctors believed that stress was a major contributor to my having a stroke as I didn't present with any of the other normal indicators.  I've continued to see a stress therapist regularly since then and lately she's been a bit worried that I was getting over-loaded.  Then this week happened....

Two Years of Lady Bren

    Saturday, February 19, 2011 Lady Bren was created.  I am not talking about the blog but rather my alternate personality, Lady Bren.  You see it was two years ago today that I had a stroke.

Many Faces of Stroke

When you hear about someone having a stroke a certain image comes to mind.  That of an older person. For many Americans for the past few years on December 31 counting down to midnight we saw stroke survivor Dick Clark.  His slurred speech and drooped mouth were consistent with what we tend to think a massive stroke survivor looks like.  His battle back from a massive stroke in 2004 was a source of Hope to many who battle the same struggles of speech and mobility.

Meet Isiah, born last September he seemed to be a perfectly healthy baby.  Within 24 hours that all changed.  Less than one day old Isaiah had a stroke.   

This cutie is Brody, he had a stroke before he was even born.  He is the survivor of an in-utero stroke.  His twin sister was born healthy. While his family celebrated his sister's reaching milestones they  watched as Brody struggled due to his lack of muscle tone, balance and coordination.  

Meet Evie.  At six months she was diagnosed with right-side hemiplegia due to in-utero stroke.  She doesn't like to be told she can't do something, according to her mom she might do it differently than others but she always gets it done.

Did you know children could have strokes?  How about developing babies having stroke in-uetro did you know that?  Stroke occurs in 1 out of every 2,800 births.  To put that in perspective that would mean that here in Clay County we are graduating 2,537 Seniors from High School in 2 weeks. Assuming they will follow the current county statistics of having three children The reality is that three children born to these seniors will suffer a stroke either in-utero or at birth.  You can read more about Isaiah, Brody, Evie and other pediatric stroke survivors on CHASA  

CHASA stands for Children's Hemiplegic and Stroke Association.  This organization helps children who have suffered an early brain injury as well as their families.  Founded in 1996 by parents of children effected with brain injury the organization has grown to become an international authority on the needs and care of children living with hemiplegic(paralysis effecting one side of the body) cerebral palsy.  Not only a support group they have sponsored international symposiums to bring together distinguished pediatric stroke researchers and neurologists to share findings and developments occurring in the field.  CHASA has three different websites where families can find support and information.  They also sponsor an annual retreat for families.  They hold various fund-raising events as well like this one:

You have gotta love the name of this one :) Very simply it is people like me raising awareness of Pediatric Stroke by blogging and having a direct donation box on their page. So if you are able please click on the donate button located at the top left of this page.

Stroke Awareness 5 Faces Pledge

Help Save Lives

Today's post is short and sweet:
Take the Five Faces Pledge today and join National Stroke Association's Faces of Stroke campaign in giving lifesaving information about stroke to five people you care about.

The Teaching of Talking

 Today I am excited to have my first Guest Blogger, Mark Ittleman speech pathologist.  His book in entitled The Teaching of Talking.  As many of you know there a times when I still struggle with Aphasia issues so this is dear to my heart.

Mark Ittleman, M.S., CCC/SLP,  Guest Blogger

A stroke or brain injury can turn a family’s world upside down in seconds.  You find yourself in the battle of your life, being guided by whomever you met at the hospital, hoping they have the answers.  As time goes on and speech does not return, you begin to wonder:  “What now?” “Will I (or my loved one) ever be able to speak again?”

Are you tired of gimmicks, worksheets, software, or boring one-hour sessions reciting lists of words? In my clinical practice as an expert speech-language pathologist for the past 40 years, I have seen hundreds of frustrated patients and family members who have said those very words to me. 

I, too, was tired of programs that didn’t bring success to my patients.  I knew there had to be a better way, so I began treating my patients differently.  I put the gimmicks and worksheets and software away, and I began talking with my clients about things they were interested in.  Imagine that!  I learned that people learn much faster when they talk with another human instead of a computer!

The Teaching of Talking our book which is in the process of being published, is a totally new concept in speech therapy.  Within its pages you will find a refreshing, revolutionary speech therapy method that will rock the world of someone you love.   You see, we believe that speech therapy is best done in the home, by family and caregivers, under the supervision of a licensed speech-language pathologist familiar with the methods in The Teaching of Talking. 

If you have ever taught a toddler to speak, you will quickly see why our method works when others fail.  We begin slowly, with simple “yes” and “no” questions and one-word answers, and we talk with the person who is learning to speak again all day long, through all of the activities of daily living. Sound familiar? If you offer a toddler some milk, you ask him to “say ‘milk.’”  Well, our method is very similar.  As one-word answers begin to come easily, we expand to two-word phrases, and so on. 

The fact is that in today’s system, most people with moderate to severe speaking difficulties will be discharged by an insurance company long before the need for therapy has ended. You no longer have to be bound to a speech-language pathologist or insurance company or management system that is going to discharge you soon anyway. 

Take a proactive role in the speech and language stimulation of your loved one. Become a pivotal, active participant in your loved one’s recovery, not a passive observer, wondering if they will ever get better. So when the day comes that your loved one’s therapy is terminated or if they have been discharged, for whatever reason, you feel confident in going forward with speech-language stimulation at home for as long as it takes to hear them speaking with clarity once again!

If you would like to know more about this revolutionary new method, please visit my website, http://www.teachingoftalking.com/.  My name is Mark Ittleman, M.S., CCC/SLP, The speech pathologist who can make rocks talk!   

What's your Stroke Score?

Before I go any further take a moment and fill out this scorecard:

     Done? Good, we'll get to what your results mean in a bit.  

Too often we are quick to dismiss the possibility of a medical event affecting us because we “scored" really well on a test like this.  No one absolutely NO ONE can be guaranteed that they are not going to have a stroke.  Anyone no matter your age, race or sex can have a stroke.  There are risk factors, some are listed above, that you can control and reduce your chances of suffering a stroke.  The reality is that  80% of strokes are preventable.  You can make lifestyle changes or many and others can be treated medically.   

     There are uncontrollable factors that you need to be aware of.  These include being over the age of 55, being male, being African American, Hispanic or Asian/Pacific Islander, or having a family history of stroke or TIA (transient ischemic attack) just to name a few. The National Stroke Association has an Interactive Risk Factor Tool that explains 26 of the more common risk factors.  Please go through all the slides as I guarantee you'll find something you didn't know as I did. 

 OK back to your score.  

You should have 3 numbers, one for the red column, one for the yellow column and one for the green column.  Compare those numbers to the Risk Scorecard Results:

Had I taken this test pre-stroke my numbers would have been:  2   0   6     So what do my scores mean?  According to the chart I was at a low risk for having a stroke.  It simply proves that anyone anywhere at any time can suffer a stroke.  

BUT you CAN control the odds of it happening.    

So please the next time you visit your doctor have a Stroke Conversation.  Take with you not only the score from this Risk Assessment but also anything that caught your attention from the Risk Factor Tool.  

  

Grace Kelly, Cary Grant and Lady Bren!

     I have to admit I like seeing my name next to the likes of Hollywood Royalty.  However the reasoning isn't glorious.  Grace Kelly, Cary Grant and I have all suffered Strokes. 
     Like so many things it seems when a celebrities name is attached to anything the public seems to stand up and take notice.  In 2011, three weeks before the Oscars, the International Stroke Conference was held in Hollywood.  Using the location as inspiration the organizers of the conference, American Heart Association/American Stroke Association decided to research the frequency of stroke among a very elite group of people, Oscar nominees. 
    They discovered of the 409 men and women nominated from 1927-2009:

• 30 (7.3 %) suffered strokes and 39 (9.5%) suffered heart attacks
• 67 was the average age of when they had their first stroke
• 18 of the 30 (60%) stroke victims were women
• 6 of the 30 (20%) suffered fatal strokes.

     Among the 18 female stroke victims is Sharon Stone.  Sharon was 43 and training for a 3 mile charity run when she suffered a stroke. After her recovery she became a spokesperson for the American Stroke Association and filmed this PSA.

     Here is the complete list of those who suffered stroke and their most recent best actor/actress Oscar nomination:

Ruth Chatterton, 1930, Sarah and Son

Mary Pickford, 1930, Coquette

Bette Davis, 1963, What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?

Claudette Colbert, 1945, Since You Went Away

Merle Oberon, 1936, The Dark Angel

Gladys George, 1937, Valiant is the Word for Carrie

Robert Donat, 1940, Goodbye, Mr. Chips

James Cagney, 1956, Love Me or Leave Me

Greer Garson, 1961, Sunrise at Campobello

Cary Grant, 1945, None But the Lonely Heart

Walter Pidgeon, 1944, Madame Curie

Jean Arthur, 1944, The More the Merrier

Celia Johnson, 1947, Brief Encounter

Gene Kelly, 1946, Anchors Away

Anne Baxter, 1951, All About Eve

Broderick Crawford, 1950, All the King's Men

Kirk Douglas, 1957, The Lust for Life

Julie Harris, 1953, The Member of the Wedding

Burt Lancaster, 1982, Atlantic City

Richard Burton, 1978, Anne of the Thousand Days

Grace Kelly, 1955, The Country Girl

Anthony Franciosa, 1958, A Hatful of Rain

Elizabeth Taylor, 1967, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

Patricia Neal, 1969, The Subject Was Roses

Edith Evans, 1968, The Whisperers

Dudley Moore, 1982, Arthur

James Garner, 1986, Murphy's Romance

Sharon Stone, 1996, Casino

Samantha Morton, 2004, In America

Rehab and Awards

   The craziness that is May has begun so with that in mind tonight I am sharing a post from my stay in Rehab.  I wrote it after my first day and I was not a happy camper: Rehab Reality: It Isn't pretty  If you have any qualms about privacy and bathrooms then this story is for you :)

     It seems that everything this week was scheduled on the same day.  Tonight alone we had 3 different activities that Patrick was a part of.  He wound up having to miss rehearsal for tomorrow night's YouthQuake Live show, which will be his last.  The first event of the evening was NJROTC awards.  Wait a bit of drama just for fun.  Awards start at 6:30, Cadets had to report at 6.  Patrick had gone to a friend's house to get ready, she was driving.  6:40 no Patrick or friends. I can't get a hold of him on his cell phone ~ you know what I was thinking.  Now I'm asking the kids who aren't involved at the moment do they have L's cell number or R's some thing's wrong.  No one can help as the kids were instructed to give their cell phones to their parents.  Just as my worry is reaching hyper mode the three kids come running in ~ thank heavens, then I chewed them all out.  After that bit of drama I'm proud to say Patrick received a personal achievement award along with other unit awards.  The Unit had over 50 trophies displayed that they won this past year :)  Tonight was the last time he is required to wear his uniform; I however am making him wear it for Graduation Sunday at church.


While we stayed for a few quick pics we then (along with a few of his friends) loaded into the Van and headed across town to our next Award Ceremony of the Evening~  County Media Festival.  That started at 7 but as they also give out awards to Elementary and Jr. High Media Teams we had a bit of time.  We walked in just as they announced his Video has won Second Place.  Another of his Videos also won Second.  A highlight of the night was the introduction of a new Media Teams at one of the High Schools.  All of its members are handicapped in one way or another.  Watching their excitement when their video was played just made my night ~ Congrats RHS Sky Blue Team.

The night ended with laughs at our local Steak and Shake.  It's only May 4th and I'm getting worn out~thank heavens I took a long nap today!!   All in all a great nite

Strokes and the Chiropractor

      It is amazing how often I'm researching one item for a blog and wind up learning something that completely changes everything.  While looking for more images of stroke awareness I came across this picture of a billboard and was completely shocked!

 Once I started looking I found various stories on the web about people who have suffered strokes following their visits to the Chiropractor.  One that interested me was that of Brittmarie Harwe.  In her own words here is her story as she told it to the  Connecicut General Assembly, March 3, 2008 : 

On April 18, 1993, I was just 26 years old, the day before my daughter turned 2. I went to a chiropractor because of a sore shoulder and neck.  I had a stroke immediately following the chiropractic cervical adjustment. The chiropractor called 911 and reported his patient was having a reaction.  He didn't mention he had just performed a neck adjustment, nor did he mention that I became immediately so dizzy I was unable to sit or stand without his assistance.  I couldn't speak. I was unable to focus my eyes. I was taken by ambulance to the hospital, and tests revealed that one of my vertebral arteries was crushed during the adjustment.  I was left with many neurological disabilities, including left-side weakness, paralyzed vocal chord, and the worst of all, I lost the ability to swallow. Since I can't swallow, I have a feeding tube that was surgically placed in my stomach. For the past 14 years, I haven't been able to eat anything except liquid nutrition.

As you continue to read her testimony not only before this assembly but others it is clear that she was harmed by her chiropractor.

What does the medical community have to say about this? Well before we go any further you need to understand what a VBA dissection is: (thank you Wikipedia) Vertebral artery dissection is a dissection (a flap-like tear) of the inner lining of the vertebral artery, which is located in the neck and supplies blood to the brain. After the tear, blood enters the arterial wall and forms a blood clot, thickening the artery wall and often impeding blood flow. The symptoms of vertebral artery dissection include head and neck pain and intermittent or permanent stroke symptoms such as difficulty speaking, impaired coordination and visual loss. It is usually diagnosed with a contrast-enhanced CT or MRI scan. Got it, ok onward.

According to  The National Center for Biotechnology Information's study published in March of 2010:

VBA stroke is a very rare event in the population. The increased risks of VBA stroke associated with chiropractic and PCP visits is likely due to patients with headache and neck pain from VBA dissection seeking care before their stroke. We found no evidence of excess risk of VBA stroke associated chiropractic care compared to primary care.

So where does this leave us?  Should you visit a Chiropractor?  Dr. Harriet Hall, an outspoken critic of alternative medicine and a retired US Air Force flight surgeon, wrote an article for Science-Based Medicine on this subject.  She ends her article   Chiropractic and Stroke  with this advice:

“Don’t ever let a chiropractor touch your neck “is the safest advice; but we can’t expect everyone to accept it. Some patients have had good experiences with neck manipulations and will continue to ask for them. We can’t presume to dictate to others. If someone judges that there is a one in a million risk of a stroke and is willing to take that risk, he has every right to do so. I think people have the right to engage in risky behaviors like skydiving and smoking cigarettes. I just think they deserve to know there is a risk, and to have some idea how much of a risk it is. I suspect the general public doesn’t know the facts about neck manipulation.   Following this article there are over 300 posts sharing direct thoughts and views on the subject.  

     As with anything education and communication are the most important tools you need to have.  Be completely clear with any health care provider as to any and all symptoms you are experiencing. Express any and all concerns about any treatment you are going to receive.

      I saw a chiropractor about 15 years ago following a car accident.  While he was unable to help me I had no complaints.  HOWEVER now knowing the risk involved I am not sure that I would ever visit a Chiropractor and allow him to manipulate my neck.

What's your opinion?  Did you know that this risk existed?

May is.....

     May is pretty simply one of those busy busy months.  We have Mother's Day kicking if off and then Memorial Day ending it..  Ooooo never noticed how May is book-ended with M holidays (remember I'm easily entertained).  Once you have school aged kids the outside obligations seem to pile on... recitals, play-offs, award ceremonies, end of year parties, dances... it truly can get incredibly over whelming at times.  Well I am here to add one more thing to the mix:

As you know the entire reason that I even have a blog is because I am a Stroke Survivor.  Too many people suffer devastating disabilities because those around them were not aware they were having a stroke.  The simple reality of my life is that because my husband loves Gray's Anatomy, he knew I was having a stroke. We can't remember if it was a Public Service Announcement or simply an episode that discussed Stroke Symptoms but he learned the warning signs and got me help as quickly as possible.  For the next few weeks I will sharing and hopefully educating as many people as I can on Stroke Awareness.

Please learn this simple acronym: FAST

Time truly is of the essence when it comes to diagnosing a stroke.  There is a medication that can ONLY be given up to 4 hours after the onset of symptoms. Had my husband listened to me he would have taken me home to sleep.  I received the medication within 45 minutes of onset and was incredibly lucky.  WE refuse to even think about what would have happened had he listened.

Just to add a bit more to the month of May~

     We are on Graduation countdown..... June 1st is graduation so things are going to be quite busy which of course means life is going to be incredibly entertaining and you know I'll have to share it with you.

I'm looking forward to spending the next 30 days driving crazy, crying, laughing, ranting and probably more crying (you know the proud Mom kind) and I hope you'll join me :)   And please oh please if you or someone in your family has survived a stroke or are helping someone recover do contact me I'd love to hear your story.  

Thank heavens Cinco de Mayo is here soon as I'm gonna need some Margaritas (send tequila please).

Are people really that clueless?

    It amazes me that people can be so rude and think no one notices.  I guess I really shouldn't be surprised by at times it still takes me aback. In the past two weeks I have had run in with people who just are clueless. One I went back at and the other was well a delicate situation.
     The first was at the bank.  Patrick was driving and let me off then parked the car ~ in a handicapped space, which we have a parking tag for.  On most days I don't use the tag but on some days I'm very thankful we have them.  As we were getting ready to leave a noticed a gentleman talking to him.  When we got to the car I asked what he said. Seems the gentleman made the comment that Patrick didn't look handicapped.  OH NO he didn't!!  Considering how crappy I felt lashing out at someone was a welcoming opportunity.  I went back inside and from the door called to the man.  "Sir, I understand you made a comment to my son regarding parking in a handicapped spot? Just so you know not all handicaps are visible.  My son happens to have Spina Bifida which YOU can't see.  He's endured more pain than most men will ever know.  Not only has he overcome that but he's enlisting in the Marines to serve YOUR country.  On top of that he's driving me today because due to complications from my stroke I'm unable to drive.  So next time you think of making a snarky comment remember all handicaps are not visible."  With that I left the bank. I'll admit that was a bit easier as there was maybe 6 customers that day.  As we were getting ready to leave the gentleman came out. I could see Patrick thinking oh no what did she do now.  The gentleman began a huge apology but then pointed out that we didn't have handicap license plates. NO sir we had the blue handicap placard hanging on the rear view but we've taken it off to drive which you are supposed to do.  He then said his goal was to make sure that people weren't using the parking spaces that weren't supposed to. Once again he apologized.  We felt a little bit bad because we couldn't put down the window when he was talking to us because it was broken but didn't feel bad that he had to talk louder to make his apology.
     While that was incredibly annoying at least it was from a stranger.  Today's situation just blew me away as it was someone that we know.  Well I don't know him but my husband does.
     There are some days when my migraines are so bad that my speech is affected.  I usually wind up repeating words or get stuck on words.  This morning was one of those days.  I called Michael to let him know not to call me at lunch when he usually does as I was going to lay down until I had to leave for physical therapy.  Unlike his old shop that had a phone on the work floor to reach him in this new shop I have to call into the office.  Today when I spoke to his boss instead of only using six words - Can I please speak to Michael - it wound up being probably close to 20.  Sure, his boss said.  Maybe he thought he put the phone on hold because the next thin I hear is him mimicking me! This is Michael's boss who is well aware of my situation. I made sure not to cry when Michael got on the phone as I really wasn't even sure whether or not to tell him. When I did tell him I could hear the conflict in his voice.  He was obviously upset with what his boss did yet at the same time this is the man who picks and chooses who gets to work overtime.  That didn't matter he told me he was going to talk to him.
     How could someone who knows me indirectly be so cruel?  So immature, so clueless?  Does he think this is fun for me?  It took me right back to the first weekend I was home from rehab when a door to door salesman called me retarded due to my speech issues.  And my therapist wonders why I hate going out in public

I have proof I should be drinking more~ and I don't mean water

     I knew there was supposed to be more alcohol in my life and now I have proof!!  While I was checking out Friday (alcohol free mind you) I was completely shocked when I saw the following magazine cover:

Prevent Stroke with a Bloody Mary!!

    I have always been more of a Long Island Iced Tea girl but if switching to a Bloody Mary will lower my risk of a stroke then bring them on.

     Of course I had to buy this magazine to read further. Kudos to the layout team on this magazine because I rarely buy the rags at the check-out.  Well I should have kept my $1.79 as they horribly mislead me. Ok I'll admit I really didn't expect them to say that somehow the combination of tomato juice, vodka, lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce and a celery stick was actually going to lower my risk of a stroke but I could dream right. Be honest you were hoping a little bit too.

    

In her article Stay stroke-free for life Brenda Kearns does share 5 tips, including a Bloody Mary, that can help you reduce your risk for a stroke.  

1. Exercise, staying fit over getting slim. University of South Carolina study found just 30 minutes of exercise daily can cut a woman's chances of stroke 20% while losing weight didn't make a difference
2. Vitamin E Some research suggests that your chances of having a stroke decreases as much as 50% if you take 400 IU of Vitamin E. **PLEASE do NOT increase vitamin E without talking to your doctor as there are conflicting reports on whether it is helpful or harmful**
3. Smile University of Michigan suggests that simply smiling, even if you don't mean it, can reduce your risk of a stroke by 27%.  When you smile it signals your brain to slow down production of cortisol, a hormone that kick-starts artery damaging inflammation.
4. Eat some Raisins Consuming a 1/4 cup of dried fruit daily could cut your stroke risk by 25%.  Dried fruit is rich in potassium.  This mineral helps artery walls relax which can prevent damaging blood pressure spikes.

AND Finally…..

5. Bloody Mary To reduce your risk of a stroke up to 37% have some vodka. Well that’s not what it really says ~misleading front page headline L  What it does say is that women who added one cup of nutrient rich fruit or vegetables to every meal cut their risk of a stroke as much as 37%.  This can also be achieved by drinking a Bloody Mary or one 8-oz glass of V8 EACH day.  According to Canadian research going too low on your sodium isn’t helpful so drink the regular V8 not the low sodium alternative.  See you should have had a V8 (Sorry couldn’t resist)

    While Ms. Kearns and the Woman’s World did disappoint me by not endorsing a daily dose of alcohol to prevent strokes the advice given is strong and substantial.  Please always remember if you suspect someone is having a stroke Speed counts.  Be sure to get them to the hospital as quickly as possible.  It is always better to err on the side of caution:

Act FAST
Facial Weakness
Arm & Leg Weakness
Speech Problems
Time is Critical
If you answer yes to any of the above CALL 911 IMMEDIATELY!

Um Yeah??

.Um  Yeah?

It is kind of weird to say it’s the anniversary of my stroke.  Unlike other milestones that survivors celebrate saying you’re celebrating the anniversary of your stroke just seems well weird.

                How often do you hear people proudly announce they’re 1, 5 or even 10 years cancer free? They’re not celebrating the day they found a lump or received bad news from a doctor. No they’re celebrating the day their body was rid of a disease.  Same applies to addicts. Whether it is Alcohol, Gamblers or even Sexual Addicts Anonymous they celebrate the first day they beat their addiction not the day it shattered their lives. 

                So how do I handle this Anniversary?   

When I look back on the year and all that I have been through it is pretty emotional to say the least.  Strangely the last few days I have been having crystal clear memories of moments before the stroke.  I can remember driving to BJ’s with Michael and Patrick thinking about all that I needed for the Chili I was making that night.  I remember going into BJ’s and looking at the TV’s.  The last thing I clearly remember was trying to talk to Patrick and the words came out garbled and his replying how sometimes his tongue gets twisted around words. 

A scary memory that has been haunting me for a few days now is one from a couple of days before the stroke.  We were driving to Tampa and as usual I was having a bit of a headache.  I recall hearing this voice in my head.  I also remember thinking ~What is your problem why would you think that?  What the voice said was “I can’t take much more of this I’m going to crash”. I dismissed the thought and continued listening to a Kathy Reich’s book on tape. 

                With those thoughts comes an overwhelming sense of irresponsibility.  How was I not listening to my body?  What was I doing shopping with a headache like that?  How could I have prevented this from happening? 

                Chances are there is very little I could have done to prevent the stroke.  Is it possible that what I thought a great busy weekend just too much and the straw that broke the camel’s back?  Maybe.  Is that to say if we didn’t go to Tampa, Orlando and been simply busy I wouldn’t have had the stroke?? Who knows?  From what the doctors have said it was going to happen sooner or later. 

I know that I am incredibly lucky with how and where my stroke occurred.  The fact that Michael knew the warning signs was tantamount to my receiving near instant care.  The fact that the hospital was barely 5 minutes away from BJ’s which enabled me to receive the needed medicine to prevent further damage was monumental.  My acceptance into an incredible rehab facility, or the fact that I even had access to one was again incredible.  Most importantly the support system from many many people during and continuing to this day is beyond comprehension.

So returning to my original question:  Why does celebrating the anniversary of my stroke seem so weird or here’s another word choice uncomfortable? 

Maybe it shouldn’t be celebrated.  Maybe I should pick a different day? Which day would it be?

·         The day I moved out of ICU

·         The day I was able to talk?

·         The day I was allowed to eat food

·         The day I left the hospital to go to Rehab

·         The day I no longer needed a Wheelchair

·         The day I dressed myself

·         The day I left Rehab/came home

·         The first day I spent by myself

·         The day I was allowed to drive again

·         The day I could finally eat any food

·         The day I was done with speech therapy

·         The day I was done with physical therapy

The list goes on and on of small milestones?  Here’s the reality~ I’m still recovering in some ways.  While it isn’t as often I still have issues with aphasia.  I am still dealing with the migraines that have plagued me since.  I am still in stress therapy.  My family still watches me for signs of a stroke. 

Most of all I am absolutely terrified of having another stroke. 

Unlike the cancer survivor who gets a check-up to confirm that they are still cancer free, there isn’t a test that can tell me I’m stroke-free.  Unlike the addict who knows what their one specific downfall is, I don’t have one trigger that I have to avoid. 

So how to handle the day, well just as you wouldn’t celebrate the anniversary of a car accident you survived I am not going to celebrate.  However I am going to recognize the change that is was brought to my life.  The stroke did shatter my world.  But just as an artist can use pieces of broken tile or glass and create a mosaic I have been able to start putting together the shattered parts of what used to be my life and create a new me.  While I have lost certain aspects there has always been gain.   Or here’s another analogy:  It is not as if the picture of my life broke into pieces that fit back together like a puzzle.  The basic picture is still there however the pieces don’t fit together as tightly, some colors have changed and a few pieces were completely lost in the process. 

February 19^th will always be a day that I reflect back on.  I am sure as the years pass this day will hold less and less meaning in my life.  One that I am looking forward to celebrating is the anniversary of this blog.  While I was writing while in the hospital and rehab when I “opened” my blog and essentially myself to the blogosphere was an exciting milestone in my entire recovery.  I hope that my new website will be ready for that celebration. And of course we can't forget the creation of "Lady Bren" :0)

Since I started thinking on this day one song keeps replaying over and over in my head…. Enjoy

Seasons of Love

  

Stroked Interference?

   
It has been two weeks. Well tomorrow will have been two weeks.  Two weeks since I was able to create a post.  I know it doesn't sound like much but it has really been a struggle.  I truly envy those people who can just sit down to their computers and whip out a post. 
    It’s not as if I haven't tried writing.  One night last week I couldn't sleep and had this idea for a post, ok it was a bit of a rant but I do know how much y'all love and are entertained by them.  For two hours I wrote and ranted about abuses and injustices.  It was great.  I headed to bed pleased with what I had written ready to do a final read in the morning then post it.  Thank heavens I have a routine of allowing a post to "stew" before sharing it with you.  My post was horrid.  It didn't read well, felt heavy and simply stank.
     I didn't have writer's block as there are a few topics bouncing around in my mind.  What seems to be the problem is my writing.  Prior to my stroke I avoided writing situations.  I could create a Christmas newsletter but it was real work.  Once it took me six weeks to finish an important letter.  That's how crazy I can get about writing and making sure the words can't be misinterpreted.  But what I'm experiencing now feels different.
     Writing has been a therapy for me since the stroke.  Finding my voice in a new way has been empowering.  Creating this blog and watching it grow and reach people has been a great ride which I don't believe is over in anyway shape or form.  To say it has been frustrating these last two weeks is a bit of an understatement.  This also means that I shared it with Maureen this week at Stress Therapy.  To be honest there are a number of stressful situations occurring at the moment.  Learning how my body handles and processes stress is the point of my working with Maureen.  Stress factors strongly contributed to my stroke in the first place so recognizing and handling new stress factors is very important. 
     What I don't understand is if writing helped me through recovery immediately after my stroke why would it not serve the same purpose now?  Why can't I find the words?  Why does my voice sound so different?  Is this some sort of warning?  Is body currently processing stress in such a way that I can't create?  Am I headed for another stroke?  As crazy as all of these questions sound I've spent a lot of time visiting each of them.  The scariest question is if all the hard word I've done has not helped what is there for me to do?
     So that is what I am bringing to you, my fears.  This blog was started to share my stroke recovery and this is a part of it.  I am terrified of having another stroke.  I know how fortunate I was the first time.  I also know that stress is a part of everyday life.  I have to somehow retrain my body in how it handles stress, and as of yesterday that's some 48 years of retraining.  Children do learn what they live and my childhood lessons regarding stress were to suck it up and just bend with the storm. 
     At Maureen's suggestion I am writing this post to be honest about recovery and how it has its setbacks, struggles and fears.  How recovery can at times be just as frustrating months in as it was in the beginning

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