How could I do this to my teenager??

     To have heard the moans coming from my 18yr old this weekend you would have thought I told him we would no longer have running water in the house.  What could have brought on such cries of protest?  We didn’t cancel our TV subscriptions.  We were still going to have cell phones.  We were not moving.  If it wasn’t any of these life altering changes that had him in such dire straits what could it be?  It was the simple fact that we were going to continue our Easter tradition of coloring eggs and watching old Easter movies.  I know you’re all thinking what horrible horrible parents we are exposing our son to such demanding tasks.  We were actually asking him to spend the afternoon with the family! GASP

          Though he may not admit it he had a blast, as did we.  Tell me, when was the last time you watched The Easter Bunny is coming to Town with an 18yr old?  We still have our original copy which means it is on VHS. We definitely know almost every line and especially every song.  Watching the movie with a running commentary from a snarky teenager was an incredibly entertaining experience.  From Sunny (the bunny) pretty much taking over the town at age 1 to kids that never seem to age and let’s not forget about Hallelujah Jones hanging around a bunch of kids unsupervised ~nothing was left untouched.  Yes we saw this timeless treasure through new eyes this weekend and I’m pretty sure it was not what Fred Astaire had in mind when he provided the voice of the narrator.  Also I’m quite sure we never laughed that hard while watching it before!

          Shortly after the movie came the dreaded egg coloring.  Are you really going to do this? That’s so lame?  The torture I was going to expose him to~ someone call Child Services!!  Could someone explain to me how an unnamed 18yr old took longer than anyone else to color his eggs? Ever the perfectionist, his eggs had to be colored just so and have certain patterns.  Then came the comparison of the talent put into each eggs.  The fact that I chose to use stickers and other items to create patterns didn’t show creativity rather an inability to design without aids. Oh to have the ego of a teenager. 

          I have to be honest.  With graduation looming less than two months away I am having those “last moment” thoughts.  Is this his last Easter home?  When we will color eggs together?  I’ll admit that sometimes, only sometimes, I am even embracing those annoyingly entertaining self-centered moments of his.

Easter Eggs ~ do you like my use of stickers :)

**Pinterest moment: I baked my eggs instead of boiling them and they came out absolutely perfect! Directions here

Responsible Parent or Busybody

    I have three very different kids.   They approach so many things in life differently that sometimes it amazes me.  Em follows rules and doesn't understand why others don't.  Patrick is looking for every loop hole.  To be honest the jury is still out on Meg but who knows.  Though a friend has suggested we start a bail found for her now, it's always the quiet ones she says.
     With that being said it wasn't surprising that Em was very upset about what she found posted on a friend's facebook page.  She brought it to me for advice. As with most things there are different approaches to handling problems.  Here's the dilemma.  She's concerned about this girl as a friend and from a Christian stand point (Em is a youth leader at our church).  I am looking at it from both a parent perspective as well as legal....
    Her friend is turning 19, from here on out we will call her Carol.  Carol and her best friend have sent out invitations to her b'day party.  This party, whose location is a secret, will include beer pong, shots and a ring of fire. FYI: Ring of Fire is a drinking game played with a deck of cards.  Carol's two older sisters are on her FB often so I can't imagine them not being aware of this.  Add to the fact there are a number of pictures of Carol with bottles of beer and such on her FB page as well.
     I understand everyone has different policies about alcohol in their home.  Some people allow their kids to drink in their house once they turn 18.  Others allow a glass of wine on special occasions and holidays.  While some people do not want their kids drinking at all until they are 21.  The National Minimum Drinking Age Act of 1984 made it illegal for anyone under the age of 21 to purchase or publicly possessing alcohol.  The law did not make it illegal for people under the age of 21 to drink alcohol. There are states that did extend the law to include private consumption as well.  Some states have specified under what conditions underage consumption is to be allowed.  Florida does not allow anyone under the age of 21 to drink, purchase or even possess alcohol. 

     I know Carol's parents just in the sense that I know who they are.  We've carpooled the girls a number of times but have never socially interacted.  I don't believe I've ever had a conversation with either Mom or Dad when it wasn't about a shared event.  So this is not a close friend we're discussing.

     Is it my responsibility to talk to the parents?  For all I know they're OK with what's going on, or possibly have a "kids will be kids" approach to parenting .  There are so many ramifications to this entire situation.  If I don't call them and something horrible happens could I ever forgive myself~doubtful.  What if I do call them and simply get the phone version of a smile and nod; I'd still be worried and even wonder if they would tell the girls to move the party.  Deep inside part of me feels the only truly responsible thing to do is find out the location and notify the police.  Do I also want to turn my daughter into a spy to get the complete information?

     I know I am lucky.  Many kids may see an invite like that laugh to themselves and move on.  I love, no rejoice that Em feels close enough to share her concerns with me.  I also know that I can't right now guarantee that my other two will behave in the same way when approached with something like this, I'd like to believe they will but there's not guarantees in parenting.
    Parenting is such an evolving event.  We have to know how to constantly morph to each child's needs and personality while still maintaining our standards.  I believe that every time we respond to a situation not only are we learning more about ourselves but our children are watching and taking notes for when it is their turn to be the parent.

     What would you do?

She Came Home Without One

     Our children grow up with our likes and dislikes.  They learn to embrace what we do and often fear what we fear.  But what if your fear is based on a personal experience and unfortunately effects thier lives?
     I grew up on Long Island.  The neighborhood had maybe 20 houses and no other streets feeding it.  Brook wasn't a tight community but everyone knew each other and this is where your main group of friends came from.  There actually weren't a lot of girls on my block so I did a lot of babysitting. 
     As with most neighborhoods there was that one Mom that stood out as the coolest.  Ours was Mrs. Clark.  She was the mom of three boys and I alwasy thought how sad it was she didn't have a girl because she was so crafty and just sweet.  It wasn't uncommon for the Clarks to take a group of the neighborhood boys with them wherever they went.  Their house, cars and hearts were always open.
     Then it happened.  In the summer before my senior year tragedy hit our small neighborhood.  Mrs. Clark took a bunch of boys to the beach.  A storm came out of no where.  Despite lifeguards and the boys being strong swimmers Mrs. Clark came home one boy short.  His body was never found.  I will never forget watching Mr and Mrs. Clark walk home after talking to the boy's parents.  I had never seen devastation on someone's face before.
     Being the family's babysitter I pretty much lived there for a while.  The parents and most of the neighborhood spent days at the beach searching for thier son.  I stayed behind to help with their younger two children and to update family members as they called. The Catholic Church has a special mass for children and I hope no parent ever has to have it said. 
     As you can imagine this tragedy had quite an effect on our small community.  It was years before Mrs. Clark was herself again.  I was surprised to learn while in college that the family had another child and named him for their lost son.  They never moved away.
    
      Fast forward some 20 years.  We live in Florida about 30 minutes from the beach. My kids know the rule.  They're not happy about it but they know it just the same.  They may not go to the beach unless I am with them.  Is this irrational?  Of course I don't think so.  While my kids know the story of why I have this rule being typical teenagers they believe they are indestructible and that could never happen to them. When the youth group at church goes to the beach I go along, they always need drivers anyway.
     This really wasn't so much of a problem when they were younger.  Most families I know usually don't take a group of kids in addition to their own to the beach.  But now their friends are driving and they want to go to the beach for the day.  Em's in college how can I really tell her not to go to the beach with her friends!
      We went to lunch Friday to celebrate Sail Academy Graduation and one of the moms asked if I spent the week worrying about Patrick and the water.  Surprisingly I didn't.  In fact it didn't even occur to me to be worried as they were on the River not in the ocean. 

     So I have this fear based on an intense experience~ when do I just let go?
    
    
  

Both Sides Now

 This will definitely date me ~ Do you remember the  Judy Collins song Both Sides Now (1967)   

Actually I was too young to remember this song as a hit (whoosh~ close one),anyway I have been thinking a lot about this song and how it applies to this current season of my life.  The song talks about how the things we view in life can be seen as glorious or horrendous.  The first verse is about clouds and we view them as angel hair then quickly fuss they're blocking the sun.  The next two verses are about love and life.  Each chorus is different but ends with how "I don't really know clouds (love, life) at all"
   Well I am proposing a new verse/chorus. It will be all about the first summer home from college.

        Living at school I'm far from home
        tests, wash and meals done on my own
        Beginning to find out who I'll become
        I've loved this time away
       Now I'm the Mom my child is home
       It seems they've changed; It seems they've grown
       They're used to living on their own
       How do we make this work?                

       I've lived this life from both sides now
       From student and parent
       And still somehow
       It's freshman summer here at home
       I really don't know life at all

OK so I won't be winning a Grammy anytime soon for lyrics LOL
IT really is hard that first summer home.  Add to it trying to find a job and not having a car of your own, no real public transportation and all those "best friends" are hours away it simply sucks.  I get I see it I lived it.  While I did have a job I either rode my bike or took a bus to work. 
     There were tons of summer jobs growing up.  Not in today's economy.  Data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics show that from last summer (2010) the employment for teenage summer jobs was down 17.5% from the year before.  With gas prices rising many summer travel spots will see decreased vacationers which in turn means less seasonal hires.  In fact the 960,000 summer jobs filled by teens represents the lowest level summer hiring since 1949! Additionally government statistics reveal that the 5,290,000 16-19 employed last July is the lowest July total since 1959*. (This number includes those who have jobs throughout the year as well). Due to the financial stress so many families are facing they are choosing to cut out extra items that could have put cash in a student's wallet.  Nannies, House cleaners, Yard Workers, and even Babysitters seem to be less on demand.
     Many kids were able to secure summer employment when home over Summer Break.  Sometimes it does seem that adage comes true~ No good deed goes unpunished.  Instead of relaxing Spring Break my college student spent her week on a Mission trip to Alaska.  She was "in the 904" for less than 72 hours and I think she slept more than half of that.  Now this isn't to say that she doesn't have any Summer Employment as she will be interning with our church's Youth Summer Program  While she'll be making some money it isn't really going to be as much as she needs to return to school. 
 
   I do remember those struggles that first summer home.  Being asked who are you talking to on the phone...and long distance charges (yikes).  My parents wanting to know what my plans were, what time I'd be home.  Well on the flip side it isn't as easy either.  Part of that admittedly is this limbo pattern we have right now before her job starts.  When I go out it's where are you going? When will you be back.  I get it she's bored.  It's weird when you're used to having your days all to yourself and then someone else plops into it.
I really am trying to bear in mind what that first summer home felt like and look at life from Both Sides.

Fun Fact:
This was the first song I learned to play on the guitar ~ Nope won't be a trivia question anywhere sorry :0)

* Few gains seen in weak Teen Job Market