The beginning of this week my body was just rebelling against the simple thought of moving. Shortly after my diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome I heard someone describe what the bad days feel like:
Imagine walking with legs that feel like telephone poles, arms that are carrying 10 pound bowling balls and being so tired you could cry
I can't find any better words to describe Monday physically. When you tell someone that you have Chronic Fatigue they always assume you just aren't getting enough sleep. Believe me if that was the solution I'd be cured.
Many with CFS also suffer from Fibromyalgia, of course I am one of those lucky ones. Complete with the muscle cramps in the middle of the night that linger longer than any charlie horse should. While I've had some down days both of them acting up like this simultaneously hasn't occurred in a while. Thanks to the pharmaceutical company discovering that their anti-depressant Cymbalta seems to bring relief to many of the symptoms of Fibromyalgia I've been enjoying those benefits. So where did that relief go? A mega-dose treatment of vitamin D a while back seemed to have put a stop to those late night muscle cramps. My recent blood work showed a decrease in CK level (measure of muscle breakdown) so why the revisit of the cramps considering I taking a Vitamin D supplement? Unfortunately studies have shown that increasing the level of Cymbalta doesn't increase the relief so there goes that option and I want immediate relief as in NOW.
And just so as to not be left out it seems the more tired I get the more word issues I have. So yeah aphasia's making more appearances than usual. Did you really think my stroke wouldn't rear it's pretty little head?
Put those together and what manifests:
Guilt. I'm talking Italian/Jewish grandmother level self-imposed guilt. My kids are on Spring Break and all I want to do is stay in my room til I feel normal. We originally were supposed to go away last weekend and that fell through. I was hoping to get some spring cleaning done and then just "play" the rest of the week. Meg's birthday. Hunger Games movie premiere. Beach Day. Those plans just crashed horribly. Sure we're still doing things it is just that I really am struggling through them. And today? Well today I just can't stop crying. It started with my daughter being disappointed when friends misunderstood and excluded her from going to the beach. She's fine and I'm still crying!!
Of all the crazy things happening lately and believe me the list just seems to be endless something as innocuous as Meg not going to the beach has sent me into a tear fest I haven't endured in ages. In fact since I started taking the Cymbalta I rarely cry at all. The only change that I can point to is the addition of because it seems my thyroid has decided to stop working. However we've added a med (buspirone) into the mix for that as well so can't really blame that now can I??
So there you have it my perfect storm