August 8, 2014

You're over 21, that's nice. Where are your parents? #parenting

Aren't you legally responsible for yourself once you're 21?  
When did the rules change and why wasn't I informed?

I have always worked under the belief that while legally at 18 you're an adult, once you are 21 you are on your own, completely responsible for everything you do.  Unlike our European counterparts where turning 18 means you are an Adult ~ no exceptions whatsoever. I won't go into the whole adult at 18 means you can get married, vote and die for your country but not buy alcohol, rent a car, or book a cruise rant.  
I believe it is our job as parents to raise children who will go out into the world PERIOD PARAGRAPH.  Yes I believe our children are supposed to go out into the world, even if it is just down the street.  What happened to raising independent children? And because we're not raising independent children society is still looking towards their parents for support.

Remember renting your first apartment?  Were your parents required to sign the lease? Were they the actual tenants on the lease?  (again talking 21 & over) 
It is incredibly frustrating to me that we've raised a generation of kids who truly expect parents to bail them out and constantly provide.  I blame the parents of the 80's.  There was so much excess during that time their children hardly heard the word no.  Once that started there was no turning back that tide.  So now when parents want to raise strong independent kids they actually look like Scrooge refusing the mice coal on a cold day (sorry that's more Henson than Dickens).  

Mom, I'm renting an apartment with friends! 
By the way the landlord want your bank, job and credit information.  
This way in case I don't pay the rent they can contact you for it. 
What's the problem? 
All the other parents are signing why won't you?  

The problem is actually those other parents.  They've just told their kids don't worry if you can't make rent we've got you covered.  Instead of raising their children to be adults they just raised adult children.  I would rather hear from my kid that they can't pay rent and need help than hear from the landlord after the rent is late!! That would be the mature ADULT thing to do.  Never mind the fact that their roommates should be fussing over the rent not being paid on time.  Truth is that instead of adults (which being over 21 they are) renting an apartment they're just kids playing house with Mommy and Daddy footing the bill. 
  
Does any parent want their children to fail? Of course not.  We all want what is the absolute best for them.  Until we remove the bumpers we've surrounded their lives with they're never going to learn what it means to stand on their own two feet.  Is it going to be rough ~ you betcha.   Are there going to be times when they are going to be angry that Mom & Dad didn't swoop in and save the day ~ hopefully; if I've done my job right. 

When Hubby and I got married most of our friends were having to move in with their parents who converted basements into an apartment for them. (Forgive me a moment while I relish the idea of having a basement)  This wasn't a happy choice but rather a sad reality of living on Long Island in the late 80's.  We rented what was basically a converted 2 car garage for $600/month.  The only reason we even got it that cheap is because it was an illegal apartment.  Reality was that living that way it would take years and years to save for a down payment on a house which is why most couples chose to move in with family.  We also had to be very careful how we spent every penny; I believe they call that learning how to live within a budget.  Upon moving to Virginia Beach we had the exact opposite of sticker shock when we rented a 2 Bedroom apartment for $450/month!  OK yes our salaries were a bit different but not THAT much!!

I do believe in helping our children even as adults.  I also believe it is more important to help them discover how to be responsible adults which means incurring bumps and bruises along the way

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