November 8, 2012

Curiosity vs Concern

     Well thank heavens I am not a cat because with my curiosity I would have been dead a long time ago.  This last week I really struggled with feelings of curiosity and concern.  Can you be curious without feeling that you should be concerned?
     It is no great secret that I am estranged from my mother and sister (who are also estranged from each other ~ gotta love dysfunctional families).  The last time we talked was shortly after the passing of my dad so it has been approximately 9 - 10 years.  We have no interaction whatsoever.  I have no clue if she keeps tabs on me and my family, I don't think so.  I keep no tabs on her.  So with all of that being said I'll be honest that this last week my curiosity as to her welfare has been peaked.
     I grew up on Long Island and my mother still lives in our family home in Bay Shore.  We've checked in on family and friends who still reside there and are glad that everyone is safe.  Like most other Long Islanders they were struggling with power outages and a few had major damage to their homes. Seeing pictures of the disaster was heartbreaking knowing many favorite childhood places were destroyed.  So is it really all that surprising that I would be curious about how my family home fared?
     This was a great struggle for me.  My mother is over 80 and as far as I know lives on her own. Like many houses of its age there is only one bathroom and that is upstairs with the bedrooms.  My father installed a wood-burning stove so I wasn't horribly concerned about heat. The house has a basement (what I wouldn't give to have a basement again) and while I remember it flooding a few times while growing up I am sure what Sandy may have done wouldn't even compare.
     So there lies the struggle.... am I curious or concerned?  I know that I am not going to inherit anything in the house so my questions aren't fueled by greed over having lost anything of value.  I know that my sister  lives close enough that if a dire emergency arose she could intervene, if she chose to.  I have always said that despite our relationship or lack there of I genuinely hope that she is happy and healthy.  So is it OK to be curious about someone you used to be concerned about?
     Very often people tend to reach out after times of crisis.  Whether you are the person surviving the crisis or someone aware of what you are going through.  We live in this world where just about everything that goes on in our lives is instantly shared so when you can't find something out it is very frustrating.  I have learned that very often the relationships that are either reconnected or formed during a crisis tend to fizzle out once that crisis is resolved.
   Here we are one week later.  While I am still curious as to how she and the house weathered Sandy and the snowstorm I am comfortable feeling that way.  Curiosity while harmful to the proverbial cat isn't going to kill me.  In fact I think it would be weird if I wasn't curious.  I know that I have absolutely no desire to open any type of relationship with my mother so that means no communication whatsoever.  I do sincerely hope that she is safe and the house remains a safe haven for her.
   With all that being said I would not pass up any first hand information
Sorry couldn't resist

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